Engagement in the mediation process is voluntary. The mediator has separate discussions with each parent to assess if mediation is appropriate in their situation and whether both are willing to engage in the process.

During mediation, the participants in the conflict themselves look for, explore and formulate possibilities of reaching agreement.

They control the results of the mediation because they are the sole decision-makers. They can suspend or terminate the mediation process at any time if they are not satisfied with the way it is proceeding.

Each participant can be supported by an independent legal adviser to look through the proposals before the decisions are finalised in an agreement that is usually called a mediated agreement. The mediation agreement can also be called a Memorandum of Understanding or a Mediation Summary.

The participants can also give their mediated agreement legal effect by having it recognised by a court.

What is being said during mediation remains strictly confidential, except in rare cases where the mediation reveals an apparently serious risk to the children or to one of the other participants. The content of such safety clauses varies from one country to another.

Instead of making a clear-cut decision in favour of one or the other parent, mediation takes into consideration the interests of all the members of a family – parents and children alike.

International family mediation permits all the participants to verbalise their concerns, express their feelings and put forward their material and organisational needs in a secure environment. They can do this in turn and without being interrupted. The mediator assists the participants to articulate those concerns.

Sometimes family conflicts occur in the context of differences in cultural or religious practices, or differences between cultural customs in one country and the laws of the country to which one of the parents has relocated. In such cases, international family mediation can help the parties in a marital conflict to arrive at a solution that bridges these differences.

Both men and women practise as professional mediators, working independently or as salaried employees of mediation organisations. Professional mediators adhere to a Code of Ethics and a Code of Conduct which they are expected to respect in every situation. They have undergone specialist training that covers all areas relevant to mediation: the law, communication and negotiation techniques as well as psycho-social aspects of a family breakdown. In many countries, professional mediators are officially recognised by a competent authority.

In countries where there is no recognised mediation training, mediators are locally recognised as such by virtue of their experience in resolving conflicts as well as their interpersonal skills. They need to be neutral. In cross-border cases, these mediators need to collaborate with specialised mediators and administrative and legal authorities.

The cost of mediation varies. It may even be available free of charge, for example when an authority or an institution orders it or where the service is provided by a state-funded organisation or offered without charge by associations or communities. In some cases, legal aid funds may be available to cover the cost.

Independent mediators charge a fee, which is usually split evenly between the parents or in proportion to each of their incomes. The modalities of payment are normally discussed at the outset of the mediation  process.

Mediation is based on the voluntary participation, good faith and engagement of all participants, so it cannot be carried out if one of the parties refuses to participate.

It cannot work if one party makes an attempt to bring pressure on the other party or if one party feels intimidated by the other one. For example, if one strongly fears the other and feels unable to speak out even in the presence of a third person, mediation may not be appropriate. Similarly, too great an imbalance between the couple may prevent success of a mediation.